It would be insincere of me to begin this post without giving a shout-out to Dave Dangler: NJCAA Hall of Famer, University of Washington Baseball Coach, and Blog-Pusher Extraordinaire. It's been OVER A MONTH (is that right?) since my last post and the playful nagging at my job has finally put me in my place. Here's to you, Double-D!In earnest, I haven't been writing because I haven't been doing. And the longer I go without doing, the guiltier I feel, and the guiltier I feel, the less I do. It's a viscous cycle, really, and it's working in reverse because all the guilt is making me unhealthy. Because I'm not doing what I said I'd do... which was supposed to get me healthy, not corner me into a cobwebbed area of have-tos and have-nots and should-dos and shouldn't-dos. It's making me crazy. That was not the purpose of this plan.
Here's the predicament: I don't break rules. Even if I'm the one who makes them, I can't do it. I just can't! Because when I do, it makes me completely insane (see above...dumb moral conscience), and the being insane drives the breaking of the rules, and... you see how it goes. So here's the deal. I am changing the rules. I'm sorry if you wanted to see me run the distance of Los Angeles to Portland or one third the width of the country, but I just cannot promise that as I am two and a half months in and have only racked up about 50 miles run. The pressure is too much, my time is too little, and cost is not worth the benefit. I'm well on my way with the apples, though! And really (no, really), that was the initial goal.
But I'm cutting you, myself, and my body a deal. Since I am not yet at the fitness level, the imaginary free location in my schedule, or the place of complete and utter commitment to run three miles every day for a year, and since I am realizing how unhappy strenuous exercise required seven days a week makes me, I have designed this new rule. It is easy going for my Type-A self and it is with a spirit of selfishness. My year is more important than your weekly five-minute reading experience. Sorry, Dangler, but it is.
Eating apples make me happy. Movement makes me happy. Writing makes me happy. And working through the context of my lived or unlived, executed or unexecuted health makes me happy (when it's pressure-free!). All of these things help me, too. However the aforementioned facts only remain true if my doing of them is an action of choice, not a forced behavior. This has taken me over a year to figure out.
So - here is the plan.
I will continue to log my apples eaten and miles traveled, but the latter will not be confined to miles run. Any kind of purposeful exercise counts. ANY WAY I WANT! (But I'll share a little secret with you: I'm still striving for a thousand in both categories... just not requiring it.)
Last Tuesday I walked 4.2 miles to exercise, last Wednesday I ran and did the elliptical machine for 5 miles, this Tuesday I walked 3.6 miles with purpose, and two days ago I biked 17 miles. These are all ways I am moving and giving my body what it likes! Even though I am not running 100% of the time, these things still count! It's so silly to trap myself in parameters that make my shoulders clench and my muscles tighten and just generally make me want to scream when the entire purpose for getting healthy in the first place was to be healthy! Not stressed! Stressed is not healthy. Stressed makes me want to sleep, then eat a whole lot of... well, not apples, then throw a fit like I'm five, then sleep some more, and repeat. Sure, exercise helps downsize experience of stress, but you try growing up loving food and hating movement and tell me how you deal with uncomfortable feelings.
Bottom line, you'll spend maybe (if I'm lucky) 1,000 minutes this whole year reading, wanting to read, or thinking about this blog. I'll spend a whole lot longer living my life. Dangler, I've got to make the distance do-able. Otherwise the entire year is lost and the healthy goal is a moot point.
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